Wednesday, July 06, 2005

"Looking stupid, Billy Ray?" "Feeling stupid Lewis?"

there's some people that no matter how long it's been since you've seen them, can send your brain running for answers to very easy questions. they leave you feeling breathless, as if you have so much to say but can actually say none of them. i've had this ridculous crush for years on someone who did this to me yesterday, no warning of meeting up, just coincidence yesterday morning. i feel so much more intellegent when i'm not talking to these people face to face, but once i'm physically presented with their presence, intellegence goes out the window, and i feel like i've been slapped against the face with nothing really to say. it's an interesting phenomena that if you should be so lucky to experience, will make you believe in things such as santa clause and the easter bunny. it's really bizzare that at this current point in my life (and trust me i hate talking on the phone more than anything, but in order to provide unsubstantiated proof that i am some what intellegent and not some blathering idiot) there easily four or five girls who, when faced with the task of speaking face to face, in person, i have absolutely nothing constructive to say and nothing but anxiety, but when from a distance i can expouse upon the virtues of anything. i'm not sure quite what causes this, whtehr it's an inherit fear of rejection or low self esteem for my own physicality, but it's strikes me as funny that a smile could knock me out so quickly....

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