Saturday, July 30, 2005

I'm going to do what I want when I want and then they'll lock me up for twenty to life

If I had just five minutes with any of the brain trust in Washington, that sits on it's morally high ground and tries to save us from oursleves, Iwould say why is it perfectly acceptable to blow away as many people with as many different weapons in a game, but you show five minutes of softcore simulated sex and we need to protect our children. You would think that "our children" wouldn't have this game in the first place because of the violence, which in my estimation is much more dangerous and influential on a young persons mind than the fact that you can have sex with someone on this game. And don't get me wrong, I own all of the GRand Theft Auto games and love them to death, but ti strikes as oh so hyporctitical, that someone's who husband as president exposed a whole generation of young minds to the meaning of the term "oral sex" should get all high and mighty that there's a scene in this game that you, may I add, have to go through some considerable amount of trouble to open on this game, I am so sick and tired with the double standard in our country towards sex and violence. It's all right to portray a car shaking, simulating having sex, and then run the hooker over after....but a scene with just sex???? How dare we. It's no doubt the Europians laugh at us on a daily basis based on how backward our government's ideals are. God forbid we should ever have open and frank discussions or depictons of sex in this country. Blow up and maim all the bodies you want, kill all the people you want...that's perfectly all right. Not to metion the fact, senator, that it's all FUCKING MAKE BELIEVE!!!!!! The problem is not that these things existys, but rathe rthat people off so called-importance place such a realistic and inflated view of these things in society and as a result, they become self-fulfilling prophecies. These in turn, provide the hyprocracy of Washington with more faux reasons why inf act they need to pass more laws and bills to take away more of our rights to protect ourselves from oursleves. And then wehn anybody questions it, they use the convienent excuse of "Well, Grand Theft Auto is not what the founding father's had in mind when they created the Bill Of Rights." What makes these people any more intuitive to the founding father's intent than you or me....i'll tell you. Nothing.

Currently listening :

The Lisa Marie EP
By Stolen Bike Crusade
Release date: By 15 July, 2003

Friday, July 22, 2005

Despite what you may think...this house is not vacant...

This is the thing I hate most about New England....the fact that you can practically swim through the air even at one in the morning. With nothing else but the sweat on my back and forehead, I can't think of anything, other than being sick, that I love least. And the air makes it so uncomfortable, that you can't even fall asleep comfortably. It's like s teambath in a spa that i never paid for. Or maybe I'm blaming the obvious for my sudden discomfort, but it seems this is the first time in a long time that I've not been able to sleep. It's l;ike some giant sun is baking me from within and I can do nothing to stop it. Oh well, what can ytou do but just grin and bear it. And when I'm falling asleep at my cubicle tomorrow, entering orders, waiting for the moment I can leave for the weekend and go help with some backing vocals, and as I clear my throat all day long, trying to rifd the remenats of this summer cold I've had all week, I can always blame the weather right? My boss will understand. And when your in this state, overtired but unable to sleep, the weirdest thoughts jump into your head. LIke the wedding your about to go to and be abest man at. Or the bachelor party your throwing that precludes said wedding. Or the wedding your going to the week before that. And suddenly all these people around you are deciding to spend the rest of their lives with each other, and you feel absolutley no need to make a permanent decsion like that yet. And your okay with that decision. But you can't understand why nobody else is. And let me just end with this, maybe the reason you don't see me anymore is because i'm tired of the interregations about who i'm seeing and why i'm not with anyone right now. Just because you think being single is tre not chic, does not make that the be all end all. And no I don't want to go out with your friend. I'm two things for sure patience and picky. When did these become dirty four letter words all of a sudden?

Currently listening :

The New Romance
By Pretty Girls Make Graves
Release date: By 09 September, 2003

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Let's welcome Hollywoods favorite token asian dude, Pat Morita!!!

There's a fine line between honoring someone's wishes and fulfilling a storybook fairy tale ending. While we all think we're hoeless romantics looking for that next slice of happy ending the end of the day we're all just that much happier to be alone. Which is scary at the times when you think you might need another person by your side. It seems, by no choice of my own, that I've been surrounded by rejection and failing relationships the last month or so. And while I hope I am not without a home soon, I got the first inkling today that I may have to move soon and that distresses me mostly because I'm settled and while I'm a firm belivier that you should shake things up when your unhappy, for the most part, my state of mind, despite the negative things going on, is the opposite of happy right now.. All this turbulent news and somehow I'm powerless to do anything about it all. Coach, take me out of the game....I don't think I can pitch with this smile on my face anymore.....

Sunday, July 17, 2005

The punchline to the greatest inside joke I've ever had is "Just Churchin"...

People should be honest. As people, this is what we do best. Get down to nitty gritty and expose out true feelings for eveyone to see. If you can't deal, then your not being honest with yourself. This has been seriously the weirdest two weeks of my life. And i have a feeling it's only going to get weirder. Remember that friend you had a while back who thought you had gone completely off the deep end so she stopped talking to you? If she's not in Syracuse, then where the fuck exactly is she? I wish I coud blame the drugs, but there were no drugs there to blame. Just my own insecurities as a human being. And those will probably be there forever. If your not understanding this, then you don't know a lot about me. And no one put there is ever going to understand all of this, because that's how much of myself I won't expose to anyone. But stream-of-conciousness IS the wave of the future, and I just got that gold medal in surfing for catching the biggest most gnarly one.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Why does Henry know all the things that we should know?

Having just watched a documentary on IFC, I'm completely disgusted at what we've allowed to happen amongst my generation, our music, our culture in general. The generation below us has nothing to look for in terms of a model because we as a geneartion have been so lacadasical and lazy that we've provided them with nothing. These bands from the 70's and into the 80's embodied what it meant to be punk rock because not only were they not afraif to voice their opinons but they didn't hold themselves back from anything. Much like the terms grunge of the 90's, emo of the 2000's this term punk was simply characterized through the media and what labels put on it. But at the end of the day it's actually PUNK ROCK...two words equally reliant on each other in what these bands did. Christ, when Daryll Jennifer tells you he never thought what his band was was hardcore and that he didn't even fucking know what that was and that he thought it was simply conected to pornography not a type of music it really spells it out. It's not anything that can be releagted to a simple word or phrase but rather si something that can't be named. I, along with anybody else from my generation should take responsibility for all the crap that sounds exactly the same out there because we have provided no sort of model for thos ekids to follow. Where has it all gone? As I approach thirty I actually think I'm more pissed off about everything more now than i was ten years ago. It's time for us to not just bacl\k a type of music or a movement, but rather an over all aestethtic. We must begin to lead our young social siblings into the next decade that challenges what we're told are the majority thoughts and opions of our current society, much like the Dead Kennesdy's and Black Flag and Minor Threat and Bad Brains challenged us. We have to do more to point out what is going on in our world. We should all be livid. We've slept for long enough.

We're long overdue for a new revolution that has to do with ideas and chalenges in our music and is not just a fucking fashion show that whines about why your girlfirend left you. I'm so fucking sick of this I could scream.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

The camel doesn't appreciate the nickname you've given his foot....

After eating some of me favorite food (namely Kowloon's on route one) with some of my favorite people (namely my bandmates who are always good for several deep and meaningfull laughing sessions) I stopped off after a few adult beverages to partake in one of my favorite pastime activties (that being walking thorugh what must be one of the world's largest Branes and Noble on route one), searching for books to add to my mini-study (thata ctually only takes up a corner of my room right now.) This action being slightly in front of walkigna round comic book stores and wlaking around cd/dvd stores ins earch for new additons to my library of sorts ( the third only being third because of the large amount of time i spent working and a store like this and as a result it having taken some of the magic out of the experience...although there always is Amoeba Records in Claifornia, that no matte rhow many times I walk in, my breath is still taken away with how much time could be lost).As I walked around the stores trying to figure out what ti was I was in the mood to read I ahppened upon a couple...more to the oint that couple. That couple that you have an immadiate anti-pavlovian reaction to in regards to their gazing into each others eyes, lightly kissing each other on the lips as they read their hyper-intellectual books and you avoiding vomiting your chinese food all over the middle of the floor. Feeling the ned to ignore this pavlvian reactyion and to associate this action to one of my favorite activites I walked away immediately, but then started to wonder why it is I had this immediate action to this public display of affection. What i think I relaized, is while i'm far from the super exhibtionist in regards to these types of things, part of me was probably sickened by the fact that I was jealous of these too people in front of me. And while the pessimistic villian that dwells inside reslihed in the fact that these kind of love struck moments never really last, and that in time these two would probably be fighting and hating each other sooner reather than later, the opelss romantic in me also wanted to be in that situation, if not only slightly. As these thoughts raced through my head, I came across a book I ahd been looking for for the last ten years and it struck me that these two love birds might have actually not only been good luck to me but also a sign that that pessimistic part of me may be fading away in my old age. Maturity shows itself to you in the starngest ways, especially when you realize shopping in bookstores is now one of your favorite activities. And as I walked out with my new Chuck P. book and my cherished "Fade" book by the great Robert Cormier, I walked up to the couple, shook my hands and thanked them (when questioned with"For what" I simply said i didn't matter and thanked them away and was on my way), I jumped in my car with my new found realization of life and sang at the top of my lungs as I took the long way home. While I despise traffic as much as I do being sick, I love driving with the music blasting singing at the top of my lungs. And pulling into the driveway, an almost childlike giddyness came ove rme as i felt like, whether it happens in the near future or in the far future, I'll get that gaze back again....

Thursday, July 07, 2005

If you don't tell them I will...

I forgot how to be charming.
I forgot to have free will.
All I can do is sit and wonder what the fuck is going on.
And wonder what the fuck is wrong.
And what I did.
The talking is great.
The talking is great.
Everything that leads up to it is damaged.
Everything that follows is ruined.
And silence is the knife in my back.
Pick another day.
Pick another day.
Get in line because it's all backed up.
If you're not frusterated you're dead.
And I've got so long to go before I understand.
If you've got a suggestion I'll take it.
If you've got a suggestion I'll take it.
Cause I'm fresh out of ideas.
And I've got nothing left to say.
It's your move.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

"Looking stupid, Billy Ray?" "Feeling stupid Lewis?"

there's some people that no matter how long it's been since you've seen them, can send your brain running for answers to very easy questions. they leave you feeling breathless, as if you have so much to say but can actually say none of them. i've had this ridculous crush for years on someone who did this to me yesterday, no warning of meeting up, just coincidence yesterday morning. i feel so much more intellegent when i'm not talking to these people face to face, but once i'm physically presented with their presence, intellegence goes out the window, and i feel like i've been slapped against the face with nothing really to say. it's an interesting phenomena that if you should be so lucky to experience, will make you believe in things such as santa clause and the easter bunny. it's really bizzare that at this current point in my life (and trust me i hate talking on the phone more than anything, but in order to provide unsubstantiated proof that i am some what intellegent and not some blathering idiot) there easily four or five girls who, when faced with the task of speaking face to face, in person, i have absolutely nothing constructive to say and nothing but anxiety, but when from a distance i can expouse upon the virtues of anything. i'm not sure quite what causes this, whtehr it's an inherit fear of rejection or low self esteem for my own physicality, but it's strikes me as funny that a smile could knock me out so quickly....

Monday, July 04, 2005

You can pour it out if you want to but can you draw it?

time is our enemy. time is the thing that we both never have enough of, and yet can never seem to wait for it to end sometimes as well. long periods of waiting for the unsure is what is excrusciating sometimes in all it's wisdom. time is the thing that always leads us to the next phase of whatever it is we want to do, but is also the thing that can end whatever it is that we enjoy. they say patience is a virtue but sometimes it can be a virtue that none of us have. there's so many things to do in this world, why are we so scared to do any of them. it needs to change today. if there's somethjing you want to do, you should just do it fearlessly, owrrying not about what those around you will say, or not worrying about failing or rejection, but rather worrying about whether you will learn from the expereince. because experience is what, in the end, makes us what we are. denying that or ignoring that or not facing up to that only perpertuates the image of being "fake". and who can stand a fake person. i know holden caulfield hates them. i just cringe when i see low self-esteen over power a sense of a persons need to be themselves. because no matter how low your self esteem is, it should never contradict your sense of self. i know who i am. i know who i want to be. i know what i want to do.

the hardest thing in the world is to do.