Tuesday, November 24, 2009


You are always a little bit better than you give yourself credit for.


Never call.

Just talk.

Face to face.

This is just a beginning.

I can't even begin to imagine what any of the above means. It floats through the mind as thoughts with no real meaning other than what it means to me. I sometimes think I don't even know where I am anymore or what I want. Five minutes after I feel comfortable I panic because I'm not. Normal is a state of mind that people try to trick themselves into. I watch some people and wonder if they are happy, really happy. Then I wonder if comfort is a form of happiness. But really, I don't think it is.

Who really knows what they want?

If you want to sit, with another person, watch a movie, or a show, or listen to music, or play a game...what if you get bored?

What if all we really want is another person next to us on the same wavelength as us and the activity your participating in is negligible at best?

Sometimes I wonder what that other person is really for since mostly, they seem to make you miserable that their not there. Or they just never really want to be there at all and are simply acting the part to save hurt feelings...

I only think I want what i can't have. Or I only think I want this imaginary thing that I've never really experienced (or maybe wanted to experience so bad that I've tricked myself into thinking what those fleeting things were)

Some one recently told me I'm at home on stage or with words but outside those two safe places I'm unsure and this comes across as a lack of confidence.

That maybe true...or maybe it's that no one's presented an environment as amazing as the way it feels when you are on stage or wrapped up in your own written words.

Either way, I don't think I care anymore. I do know this whole thing...whatever it's been...is over now.

Time to start anew.