Wednesday, March 24, 2010

"They Don't Take Photos At Funerals."

It's like that feeling you get when your hungry but you don't know what you want to eat. Not the pregnant kind of hungry, with ice cream and pickles, but more like one thing could make your day complete if you just knew what it was that you wanted to feel yourself digesting. You pick something up, put something down, nothing seems like it will satiate that hunger you have until you see the thing that will. Then something sparks as your eyes makes the one last pass, and you find the thing you have been looking for all along, not realizing that it was always much closer than you realized.

Or maybe it's not really anything like that at all.

We are surrounded by rules. Rules society sets. Rules we set for ourselves. Rules that are simply for social situations so that we can't really tell what each other is thinking.

Everything is set forth for us for a reason.

But what if we lived life without rules. Or maybe more specifically, what if we lived life without restraints.

I wish I could live my life without constantly worrying about what is thought of me. Only by certain people. I often find myself thinking the people whose opinions I care most about me are the people who quite frankly don't think about me at all.

Which in itself is a sort of rejection. (Not to say that people who do think something of me, aren't important or their thoughts don't mean anything. In these cases most of the time I actually know what they think of me and have created a buffer myself to be able to handle whatever they think of me be it good or bad.)

There are so many things in life that I think we wish were easier.

I wish it was easier to meet people. I wish it was easier to get to know people.

We carry all these pre-conceived notions about the people we see on a daily basis that in essence create this wall or reasoning about why we can't "know" them any better than how we will in that specific moment when we first form our opinions about them.

I see people on a daily basis that interest me. That I find intriguing but it won't ever go any further than that.

Don't ask, don't tell.

I sit there with this low confidence, want to be accepted and need to not be perceived as a creep leching upon a person I find interesting. (I think the notion of where we are as a society shows that any stranger attempting to talk to another stranger is immediately taken as an attempt by the one who makes "the move (not being sexually in this case, but simply being interested) and as such all those dreams of meeting someone in passing are shattered because of the pre-conceived notions we hold for each other and what the news shows us on a nightly basis.)

Every person that walks up to me is a potential pervert, creep, or general malcontent.

I don't typically lust after every girl I see that I find intriguing. It doesn't go that far for me in an initial meeting.

Introverted extroverts are the hardest type of people to be. I can't stand the feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin when I'm around people I don't know.

Strike that: People I'm not comfortable around (I know lots of people who still give me the feeling I've described above.)

As I get older, it gets infinitely and increasingly more difficult to change.

I'd ask you to hang out, but I don't know what we would do.

What do people do?

What do we do?

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