There are no fairy tales.
There are no happily ever afters.
Pessimistic, I'm aware. But it seems looking forward and looking back (I know I promised myself no more looking back, but what we can learn about ours and other peoples past decisions are invaluable in determining where we go "from here.")
What it seems there is however, is good timing and bad timing.
Bad timing for some people is like bad luck. (They are mutually exclusive. And besides, I don't even believe in luck anyways.)
You can take a personally inventory every few months, and while feeling like you've moved ahead in your goals for what you want, there's just a little feeling of despair that your not quite as far as you want to be.
Like that white picket fence is just oput of reach. (This concept being purely metaphorically, of course. The white picket fence in my mind is where I'm happy and comfortable, surrounded by people and friends I care about, and happy about where I've taken my life.)
It seems any goal you look to, even after past accomplishments that at some point may have seemed unachievable, is still always and eternally somewhat unattainable until its completed.
Maybe part of the problem is recently I look and wonder if what I thought I wanted to do is in fact what I really want to do. )And I'm not getting any younger. No one is ever getting any younger.)
Maybe the key is to settle and be comfortable. (But I'll never settle. Maybe it's the spark of defiance in me, the rebel part of me that just feels at my core that it's wrong at any level to submit.)
I feel like sometimes I destroy things because I feel like comfort is settling. I never want to settle. (I never want anyone else to settle either.)
But i'm not even sure what settling means.
Back to fairy tales. Originally, the Grimm Fairy Tales where these gory, horror stories that acted as sort of morality tales to keep children in check. They were the first Stephen King short stories, really.
Somewhere along the way Hollywood, Disney, the Media, has transformed and re-crafted these tales into the perfect ideal of the human dream. We end up doing the perfect job, with the person erson as our mate, with the perfect home and family and we never need to take chances because our lives are perfect the way they are.
It's kind creepy, the lull, the Matrix-like world we are supposed to have for ourselves.
What if this perfect world is just being in flux.
Crisis of future?
I feel like we never know what we want to do until we've done what we don't want to do.
Sometimes, I look at life, at relationships and situations and circumstances and wonder why everything seems to have to be so complicated. Why we have to dance around these notions of things that may or may not be bad ideas. (So simply stated, because people even unto themselves are constantly changing and evolving...well we hope...the fact is some people don't...but pretending that most people do this in any case..) not two situations that we are presented in in life can possibly turn out the same because people are different. People live their lives based on past expereinces and as thse experiences are always different, there can be no two identical situations.
Even in the disaster minefield of relationships in my life, no two relationships are the same, have ended the same, or are surrounded by the exact same circumstances. Sure the build up and destruction may have felt the same or similar, but these have always been uniquely different and taught me something a little different about myself.
There are no fairy tales. There's only what we experiences and do for our selves.
There are no picket fences. Only what we use to figure out what we are going to do next.
There are no happy endings. No one ends until they die. There is just life that you live.
If your timing is right, the timing of events in life means your a little happier then the next person.
If not, you keep trying to be happy.
There are no fairy tales.
But there is everything else.