Friday, January 08, 2010

"Everyone (Or No One Or Just One)"


How's it going?

Is that even how people start these things?

I don't know.

I just wanted you to know the reason...the reason we haven't talked?

It's not because I don't think you're interesting. Or because you haven't got anything to say. Because when I imagine our conversations, they go on until the end of time. I almost can't keep up with what you want to talk about it.

At least how I imagine it.

Really, you're kind of intimidating. Not you specifically actually but the aura of you. (Whatever that means. I think I half made it up) I don't know how to approach it. So I try to play it cool (almost standoffish it seems of recollection) and pretend like I'm just like any one else and could handle it if we got in a situation where words would actually have to come out of my mind.

You're pretty. In that natural way. In the way you don't have to work for. It's a natural beauty that I respect on so many levels. It's something I noticed when I first saw you. Maybe you've heard it before, but it's not a line. I don't do "lines". And if you haven't heard it, you certainly should have.

And you're intriguing. The lack of conversation doesn't really give me a whole lot to go on except in what my imagination lets me think. The french cal it "that certain something".."that certain I don't know what.. je ne sais qua.

Sometimes I like think you were a secret agent and all the rest of this is just cover. I can't imagine information you wouldn't be able to get with just a glimpse of that smile. That Mona Lisa smile. Maybe a little fantastic...maybe a little silly..but you is what it is...

I believe you can believe that comfort can be found in a the fact that people can be comfortable. I could see myself being comfortable with you. Isn't that important?

And it's difficult to get past this whole awkward beginning stages mostly because I'm scared my imagination has run too wild.

I mean, what would you say, if some stranger just walked up to you and tried to start talking to you?


I could have all the confidence in the world, but one false move and...well...first impressions are everything.

Better to not have any impression at all.

Become a wallflower. Blend into the back as just another of the tons of people you walk by every day.

Just know this...I haven't said hello, not because I'm rude, or because I don't want to, but I feel like I'll say it the wrong way.

How the hell do you say"hello" the wrong way, anyways?

I don't know...but in my mind I've done it.

First impressions being what they are.

Yeah, I think too much. I know.

Some people know me...I'm an introverted extrovert. Around people I know...people I'm comfortable of the party.

Other than that,

Hopefully, the other day, you didn't take that whole thing as an affront. Because I was just scared and couldn't imagine placing myself in a situation that fell in my lap.

Nope. Maybe if it fell in my lap, things would have been different. But to place myself there...nope. Not yet.

I'm a little gun shy since that last whole debacle.

But I won't bore you what that whole story.



How are you?

That seems so much harder in my head than it was.

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