What do you write when you're not sure what to write?
A riddle wrapped in a question wrapped in a conundrum.
Or something like that.
I've been sitting wondering about word for the last week.
Writing and re-writing.
Re-writing. Not revising.
I hate revising. One thing I've learned to this point is to never deny your first instincts. Instincts are all we have that tell us whats ultimately right and wrong for ourselves.
What we say can be infinitely different from what we write. Saying things involves depths of speech and words and actions that can't be interpreted on the page. A good writer is able to translate the emotions and motions of speech onto the page but it's never the same.
I always prefer to write out things because I always think it explains my thoughts so much more vividly than if I'm placed on the spot and have to emote them through the little orifice on my face, which always always seems to betray me by either saying the wrong thing, deleting things, or saying nothing at all.
The only place where we can perceive things being more brilliant than on the written page is in our heads. Thinking about what you are going to write or say is really the precipice of meaning in what you are trying to convey. Thus it never gets any more pure than what's in your head.
Rarely have I ever heard a writer say that what they get out of their imaginations is exactly as they wanted on the written page. Sometimes it's better, some times it's not quite as good, but rarely, if ever is it the same. This also seems to take for granite that better or not as good is the same as pure.
They are not. Purity is as close as you can get to perfect in some aspects.
I'm not scared to write or say things, nor share them with othr people and yet there's an invisible undefinable wall that sometimes keeps me from doing so.
It's probably the inner critic in me saying that no one will like any of it.
Or maybe it's the inner critic in me saying it's not even worth comment, which I suppose is worse than being loved or hated.
Currently, there's all these things going in a million directions, and it's difficult to keep track because none of them have endpoints right now.
Or they could have endpoints...it's just the endpoints have not been placed.
I want to be honest at it's core. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say.
I want to mean what i write and write what I mean.
But what if I don't know what that is?
So...what do you say when you don't know what to say?
At least right now.