Thursday, September 14, 2006

"The cheap seats are boring. Go sit over there."

Thirty is the new twenty.

There's a world of difference between knowing what you want to do and actually dong what you want to do. Why are we satisfied to stay in a world that pays the bills but gives us no emotional or intellectual satisfaction?

It's a rhetorical question.

Things that tend to pay the bills, for the most part, unless your extremely lucky, are diametrically opposed to things that willl motivate you intellectually and emotionally.

But at least the bills are paid right?

Well most of them anyways. The one's that matter.

Let's go back to something I said a second ago though. Is it luck to be able to be emotionally and intellctually stimulated by the work you get paid for? Is it drive? Is it those that are truly successful and happy in what they are doing less lazy then the rest of this with dreams and aspirations.

No. It's not solely drive. And luck pays a part in everybody's life, loves and outcomes.

A little bit of every success is being in the right place at the right time.

There's a fine line that I don't feel like I've found yet somewhere out there. Because there's no lack of passion, that's for sure. It's not for lack of passion for the things I want to do that success has avoided me thus far.

And really what is success?

I guess I equate succes with being fundamental hapy and enthused about getting up every day and tackling exactly what it is you want to do.

But i think it might be something more than that to. Because you don't just look for success in your professional life. You look for it in your personal life I suppose to.

Bottom line is, I feel restless right now. Not neccessarily unhappy, but static.

I hate static.

And maybe it's just a temporary feeling that will fade next week. Because I certainly don't feel static in every aspect of my life. Just certain aspects.

I never want to say checkmate or have checkmate said to me and have it ring with any real resonance, you know?

I have a list. Lots of us do. Right not it's not corporeal. It's constantly changing. But it exists.

The problem is there are so many things we can't just wake up tomorrow and do. No matter how bad we want to.

Just like we can't always wake up and have the person we want next to us there. Forget whether there's a relationship (physical or otherwise) there or not, it's just not possibly for eveything you want to be there when you want it to be. Life doesn't work that way.

Bottom line is i'm really restless right now...almost recklessly so. I'm not doing what I want to be doing most of the time, I'm not waking up next to who I want to wake up next to most of the time, I'm not taking the steps right now to get my self to that next place I want to be.

And it's fucking killing me because maybe, just maybe, a part of me i afraid of changing from the static, comfortable life I'm living in right now.

Even though I hate being static.

Shit's gotta change.

Currently listening:

Source Tags & Codes
By ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
Release date: By 26 February, 2002

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