She said it was the best thing that ever happened to her and she wished it had never ended. This is what she told herself as she cried at night thinking what she had done wrong to makes things go so wrong. A dab of her eyeliner streams down her face now, at this time, thinking and reaching the inevitable oblivion of what she had imagined would be the chaos of her unrequited heart.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
She rose from he bed (it mas the depth of night that made her the most calm at times like these), and left the huddled mass laying there lifeless beside her. The body was without life, but was not dead. She couldn't bring herself to look at it. To look at what she had done. It made her wonder ever so slightly if other people had experiences like the one she was currently having. She wondered if they had had them in the past, if they would have them in the future. She wondered if the same experiencing was concurrent with this exact feeling of pain and alienation that she was having right now.
(The body, only lifeless because she would have it so, and not lifeless in any really sense of a homicide being committed. The only homicide seemed to lie in her soul. She was tired of settling and only wondered at some point in the future, if the need to feel her emptiness with more sorrow would ever stop her from overcoming the feeling that she would eternally be alone like she was at this moment.)
She felt masculine. She acted masculine. But she was very feminine. Which allowed her to snarl them all in her traps.
She had forgotten what it was like to be nice. (Besides, nice was simply a misnomer that was added to the wealth of characterstics that resided in the perfect model of human citizenry and compassion. A model which was, let's face it, pure unadulterated fantasy.)
She had gotten to a point where she was tired of being nice, so she stopped being nice. And then she forgot how to be nice.
And really, wasn't being nice just another misnomer for being a liar at her core.
Things stopped being nice, but things didn't start getting real. This only happens in television dramas and reality programming.
So what was it she was looking for. Was she still searching? Could she ever find it?
What was that saying? From that movie?
"The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world it didn't exist."
She had tried to play that same trick, but the audience was starting to jeer the stage.
She didn't know how to be.
Do you know how to be?
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