"Scenes From The Class Struggle In Cambridge, Massachusetts."

It's been a while.

I fucking hate that song.

You can define ambition in so many ways. Or maybe you can only defiine it one way.

Haven't quite figured that one out yet myself.

Ambition is not sitting back waiting for things to happen to you. It's taking the proverbial bull by the horns and doing things for yourself.

Wasn't that the base of a Pointer Sisters song?

I digress.

Chinua Achebe once wrote a novel called "Things Fall Apart". It was based around the English colonization of Africa and how it affected the native peoples of said land that was to be colonized. The title comes from a line in a William Butler Yeats poem entitles "The Second Coming" about the deconstruction...or better yet end of Christianity that was thought to be coming, at least by Yeats.

The title is so powerful. Maybe I relate too well.

At it's core, not only the story but the poem, kidn of express that a true peak of perfection, or a constant feeling of good will, of seredipitous perfection can never last.

In the end, things fall apart.

Everything falls apart. Our hopes and dreams, our relationships, or lives. Everything falls apart.

The exciting part is the build up to everything actually falling apart.

I suppose some pleasure can also be found in rebuilding that which has collapsed.

Everything old is new again.

Another saying with incredible significance in all our lives.

It hink what's painful in the end, to us all, is that we never truly ever know what we really want. Because once we have it, we all seem to do something to make it go away.

Some people say to find true peace it needs to be found within one's self first.

Bullshit.

We never really find that "peace" we're looking for because we're always looking for the bigger and better thing on the other side of that wall. No matter what it is to make us satisfied (job, relationship, friendship, happiness.)

We're imperfect creatures, human beings. There's an almost unquenchable thirst (for knowledge, items, possesions, friendship, love, money) that never seems to be staisfied. But interstingly enough, we are also cowardly at times, in that we avoid what we want most because we are afraid that utimately, we will lose that thing that we most want.

It's completely irrational and makes no sense.

How does any of this rambling connect to anything?

I guess I'm not really sure. I'm still trying to figure that part out.

Defeatist attitudes take away some of the idealism, but makes us become more realistic.

I'm not even sure I believe that. Life is not black and white.

Why do I see so much gray?

I don't want anything that I want because I'm just going to lose it anyways.

I don't know that I believe that either.

Mostly, I just don't know.

Currently listening:

Dry
By PJ Harvey
Release date: By 30 June, 1992